I'm really doing it. How crazy is that? The mental tug of war rages on.
"Is this really the right thing to do? What if it doesn't go well? What if I end up with serious complications? Will I ever feel normal again? Will I be sorry? What if I'm out of work for a long time?"
"No more worry about breast cancer. No more surveillance stress. Peace of mind. Bonus tummy tuck. This IS the right step for me. Once it's over I'll be so relieved."
When my mother and aunt were diagnosed with breast cancer I remember thinking. "If that ever happens to me I'll cut them both off." I knew the stress of waiting for another diagnosis would make me crazy.
When found out I'm positive for a BRCA 2 mutation I thought the same thing "just cut um off". But now that the date is set and it's really going to happen I have to say "I'm going to miss them". They might be stretch marked and a bit saggy but they're mine. I've never really wanted to change them. They fit me. They've been with me for the most intimate moments of my life. A positive part of my body image. The source of deep sexual and maternal satisfaction. I really wish I didn't have to cut them off.
I've always referred to my breasts as "the girls". They are the body part that I could count on to make me feel sexy. Even when I'm feeling too fat or not as attractive as I want to be I could always count on "the girls" to help me feel sexy.
I know I'm doing the right thing for me but it isn't as easy as "cut um off". It's so much more difficult than that.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Count Down to Surgery NUMBER TWO
On Sunday, while I was checking out the sweet onions at the grocery store my cell phone rang. It was Dr Cober. He called me himself to let me know the results of the scan (nice surprise). He said that my anatomy would work well for the DIEP Flap surgery. He said some anatomy is more challenging than others but it looks like I would be a pretty straight forward case.
On Monday morning Dr. Cober's scheduler, Connie, called to ask if December 6th would be a good day for me. She said she still had to confirm an operating room and contact Dr. De La Melena (my breast surgeon).
On Tuesday I got another call from Connie. My surgery date is set for Friday, December 13th. It's a good thing I'm not superstitious.
So the count down to Surgery NUMBER TWO begins.
On Monday morning Dr. Cober's scheduler, Connie, called to ask if December 6th would be a good day for me. She said she still had to confirm an operating room and contact Dr. De La Melena (my breast surgeon).
On Tuesday I got another call from Connie. My surgery date is set for Friday, December 13th. It's a good thing I'm not superstitious.
So the count down to Surgery NUMBER TWO begins.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
A Deep Desire For A DIEP Flap
Who knew I'd be almost eager to have a Preventive Bilateral Mastectomy (PBM) with DIEP Flap reconstruction. Have I lost my mind? Has my rabid internet searching regarding BRCA gene mutations pushed me over the edge?
It's so strange. To be almost excited about a surgery that will change "the girls" forever. A very extensive surgery with many risks. So odd to be hoping that the CT scan I had last week will show that there is good blood flow to my lower abdomen giving me the final "yes" verdict making me a good candidate for DIEP Flap reconstruction. So very unexpected to be anxious about getting a date for the surgery on the calendar before the end of the year.
My perspective has shifted dramatically since April when I found out I was positive for the mutation 3398del5 in BRCA2. Until just a few months before that I wasn't very concerned that I might get cancer. Even though my Mom and her sister had both had breast cancer and multiple relatives had ovarian cancer and other cancers it really wasn't something I worried about. I pushed all that out of my brain by thinking that I was really more like Dad's side of the family so I probably didn't inherit any of those cancer genes. The overwhelming emotion I felt when I got the gene test result was surprise.
As the surprise faded I became almost obsessed with finding out more about what the BRCA thing meant. I've spent hours on the internet. I'm so very thankful for my BRCA sisters and especially the information provided by FORCE. God bless each of you preventive surgery pioneers! Your willingness to share your stories online has made my journey so much easier. It has made it possible for me to make these difficult choices knowing the risks, knowing the upsides and the downsides. Knowing these things from first hand accounts of my BRCA sisters. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
After my rabid research phase I decided to take things one step at a time. The first step for me was good bye to my one lone ovary. That was 7 weeks ago. Since I was already menopausal it was truly a no brainer for me. In my experience, other than the expected menopause symptoms, it wasn't really a big deal.
For me, from day I found out I was a mutant the idea of removing "the girls" was pretty scary. Really hard to even think about at first. I decided early on that I would just take a step at a time and only move forward when I felt strong enough. In the beginning, I pictured myself ramping up surveillance and maybe never going down the PBM trail. As I read the stories of my BRCA sisters online, looked at pictures of the many reconstruction options it started to seem like something I might do someday. When I researched the DIEP Flap reconstruction I found myself thinking "that's what I want". It didn't happen overnight but it happened pretty quickly.
My internal dialog behind choosing a PBM goes like this:
"If I wait until I get cancer my options for reconstruction will probably be restricted and constrained by the need for chemo therapy, radiation treatments, and the need for lymph node removal. I saw what my Mom went through for the three years between her diagnosis and her death. I'm not sure I want to go down that road. I might not chose to have chemo and put up with the side effects and agony it brings. I might just take the time I have left and make the best of it. Mom and her sister both went through intense prolonged misery during their treatments. It worked for my aunt (so far) but it didn't work for Mom. The last three years of her life were filled with pain and sickness. I'm not sure I want to spend my last days that way. It's something I won't know until or unless it happens. Also the waiting after tests and being called back because there is a calcification or something that requires more tests is completely nerve wracking. Having experienced this already I'm sure the surveillance route will push me to PBM at some point anyway. Why not get it over with."
My thinking is basically "better safe that sorry".
To understand my choice for DIEP Flap you need to know that I've always been less than satisfied with my tummy. Even before pregnancy I wanted to hide my tummy because I thought it was my least attractive feature. This feeling got worse after my son was born because I had horrible stretch marks. And got even worse when I ended up with a horizontal abdominal surgery scar from just below my ribs, around my navel and south to my pubic bone. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I often joke that if I had 4 more nipples I'd look like a female dog. My young granddaughter once asked me if my tummy was my butt. With this background it's pretty easy to understand why the DIEP Flap reconstruction appeals to me.
In addition to the ugly tummy motivation I should mention that my weight has always fluctuated. Prior to age 40 the weight range was between 140 - 190 pounds. Post age 40 it is more like 155 - 215. Currently, I'm at about 165. I've been on a weigh rollercoaster since puberty. So if history is any indicator I think I can count on the a continuing weight fluctuation. So here is the implant dilemma. What if I get implants on the low end of the weigh rollercoaster and then gain weight? No boobs and big giant belly doesn't sound good does it? Or get implants on the high end of the rollercoaster and then loose weight. Instant porno boobs! Also not attractive.
My internal dialog behind the desire for a DIEP Flap goes like this:
"I really, really, really don't want implants because of the weight fluctuation thing and because of the way they are attached. I get freaked out by the idea of something being implanted under my muscles. I have a tendency to produce scar tissue. I have adhesions from previous surgeries. What if I have the same issue with implants. Love, love, love the idea of a new tummy. Love the idea that my boobs would gain and loose weight along with the rest of me. Love the idea that new boobs would age with the rest of me too. Get so excited about having a new tummy. Wouldn't it be nice to have something good along with the whole scary PBM thing?"
If I can get a DIEP Flap I'm ready to get this done. If I can't get a DIEP Flap I'm afraid I'm back at square one. I will seriously consider PBM with no reconstruction.
So there it is. A play by play of how my perspective has changed. I find out Monday if the scan shows good blood flow! I'm crossing my fingers and toes that the DIEP Flap is a go.
It's so strange. To be almost excited about a surgery that will change "the girls" forever. A very extensive surgery with many risks. So odd to be hoping that the CT scan I had last week will show that there is good blood flow to my lower abdomen giving me the final "yes" verdict making me a good candidate for DIEP Flap reconstruction. So very unexpected to be anxious about getting a date for the surgery on the calendar before the end of the year.
My perspective has shifted dramatically since April when I found out I was positive for the mutation 3398del5 in BRCA2. Until just a few months before that I wasn't very concerned that I might get cancer. Even though my Mom and her sister had both had breast cancer and multiple relatives had ovarian cancer and other cancers it really wasn't something I worried about. I pushed all that out of my brain by thinking that I was really more like Dad's side of the family so I probably didn't inherit any of those cancer genes. The overwhelming emotion I felt when I got the gene test result was surprise.
As the surprise faded I became almost obsessed with finding out more about what the BRCA thing meant. I've spent hours on the internet. I'm so very thankful for my BRCA sisters and especially the information provided by FORCE. God bless each of you preventive surgery pioneers! Your willingness to share your stories online has made my journey so much easier. It has made it possible for me to make these difficult choices knowing the risks, knowing the upsides and the downsides. Knowing these things from first hand accounts of my BRCA sisters. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
After my rabid research phase I decided to take things one step at a time. The first step for me was good bye to my one lone ovary. That was 7 weeks ago. Since I was already menopausal it was truly a no brainer for me. In my experience, other than the expected menopause symptoms, it wasn't really a big deal.
For me, from day I found out I was a mutant the idea of removing "the girls" was pretty scary. Really hard to even think about at first. I decided early on that I would just take a step at a time and only move forward when I felt strong enough. In the beginning, I pictured myself ramping up surveillance and maybe never going down the PBM trail. As I read the stories of my BRCA sisters online, looked at pictures of the many reconstruction options it started to seem like something I might do someday. When I researched the DIEP Flap reconstruction I found myself thinking "that's what I want". It didn't happen overnight but it happened pretty quickly.
My internal dialog behind choosing a PBM goes like this:
"If I wait until I get cancer my options for reconstruction will probably be restricted and constrained by the need for chemo therapy, radiation treatments, and the need for lymph node removal. I saw what my Mom went through for the three years between her diagnosis and her death. I'm not sure I want to go down that road. I might not chose to have chemo and put up with the side effects and agony it brings. I might just take the time I have left and make the best of it. Mom and her sister both went through intense prolonged misery during their treatments. It worked for my aunt (so far) but it didn't work for Mom. The last three years of her life were filled with pain and sickness. I'm not sure I want to spend my last days that way. It's something I won't know until or unless it happens. Also the waiting after tests and being called back because there is a calcification or something that requires more tests is completely nerve wracking. Having experienced this already I'm sure the surveillance route will push me to PBM at some point anyway. Why not get it over with."
My thinking is basically "better safe that sorry".
To understand my choice for DIEP Flap you need to know that I've always been less than satisfied with my tummy. Even before pregnancy I wanted to hide my tummy because I thought it was my least attractive feature. This feeling got worse after my son was born because I had horrible stretch marks. And got even worse when I ended up with a horizontal abdominal surgery scar from just below my ribs, around my navel and south to my pubic bone. Ugly, ugly, ugly. I often joke that if I had 4 more nipples I'd look like a female dog. My young granddaughter once asked me if my tummy was my butt. With this background it's pretty easy to understand why the DIEP Flap reconstruction appeals to me.
In addition to the ugly tummy motivation I should mention that my weight has always fluctuated. Prior to age 40 the weight range was between 140 - 190 pounds. Post age 40 it is more like 155 - 215. Currently, I'm at about 165. I've been on a weigh rollercoaster since puberty. So if history is any indicator I think I can count on the a continuing weight fluctuation. So here is the implant dilemma. What if I get implants on the low end of the weigh rollercoaster and then gain weight? No boobs and big giant belly doesn't sound good does it? Or get implants on the high end of the rollercoaster and then loose weight. Instant porno boobs! Also not attractive.
My internal dialog behind the desire for a DIEP Flap goes like this:
"I really, really, really don't want implants because of the weight fluctuation thing and because of the way they are attached. I get freaked out by the idea of something being implanted under my muscles. I have a tendency to produce scar tissue. I have adhesions from previous surgeries. What if I have the same issue with implants. Love, love, love the idea of a new tummy. Love the idea that my boobs would gain and loose weight along with the rest of me. Love the idea that new boobs would age with the rest of me too. Get so excited about having a new tummy. Wouldn't it be nice to have something good along with the whole scary PBM thing?"
If I can get a DIEP Flap I'm ready to get this done. If I can't get a DIEP Flap I'm afraid I'm back at square one. I will seriously consider PBM with no reconstruction.
So there it is. A play by play of how my perspective has changed. I find out Monday if the scan shows good blood flow! I'm crossing my fingers and toes that the DIEP Flap is a go.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Let's Git-R-Done
All good news at my post-op appointment. The pathology report showed no cancer. Five points for me none for my inner hypochondriac. Dr. Winter said, the adhesions that had imbedded my ovary into my bowel were removed along with the small bit of the bowel that was attached to the ovary. He also said he could see why I had a bowel obstruction because the mass of adhesions could easily cause the bowel to twist itself into a knot. More good news! No ovary and as a bonus fewer adhesions and maybe even a reduced chance of bowel obstruction.
When I walked out of the doctor's office toward my car I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I hadn't even realized I was so stressed over the pathology results but knowing the outcome has given me an increased sense of wellbeing. I feel more positive and lighter somehow. This unexpected wave of relief gives me added confidence that taking the next steps toward a Prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM) and DIEP reconstruction are the right thing for me to do.
I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon, Dr. Sheldon Cober on September 19th. Now I'm stressing that I won't be a candidate for DIEP reconstruction or I won't like Dr. Cober. On the DIEP FLAP Support Group on Facebook I asked if there were any others living in Oregon who would recommend their surgeon and someone mentioned Dr Cober and then said how much she loved him. So I'm hoping I will feel the same way.
It feels good to have one surgery behind me. It's only been 12 days and I'm feeling almost normal already. In April I wouldn't have guessed that I'd be eager to move ahead with NUMBER 2 this quickly. I figured I'd take my time and maybe work toward a PBM in a couple of years. For some reason I now feel like I want to get it behind me. If my insurance approves it and I can get away from work for 6 weeks I think I'll do it sooner rather than later and just Git-R-Done.
When I walked out of the doctor's office toward my car I heaved a huge sigh of relief. I hadn't even realized I was so stressed over the pathology results but knowing the outcome has given me an increased sense of wellbeing. I feel more positive and lighter somehow. This unexpected wave of relief gives me added confidence that taking the next steps toward a Prophylactic bilateral mastectomy (PBM) and DIEP reconstruction are the right thing for me to do.
I have an appointment with a plastic surgeon, Dr. Sheldon Cober on September 19th. Now I'm stressing that I won't be a candidate for DIEP reconstruction or I won't like Dr. Cober. On the DIEP FLAP Support Group on Facebook I asked if there were any others living in Oregon who would recommend their surgeon and someone mentioned Dr Cober and then said how much she loved him. So I'm hoping I will feel the same way.
It feels good to have one surgery behind me. It's only been 12 days and I'm feeling almost normal already. In April I wouldn't have guessed that I'd be eager to move ahead with NUMBER 2 this quickly. I figured I'd take my time and maybe work toward a PBM in a couple of years. For some reason I now feel like I want to get it behind me. If my insurance approves it and I can get away from work for 6 weeks I think I'll do it sooner rather than later and just Git-R-Done.
Monday, August 19, 2013
A post-surgery Post
Surgery number 1 is over and done - nice an accidental rhyme. I can't say how pleased I am to have it behind me. If you'd rather not hear about the details just stop reading now and wait for my next post.
If you are still reading this I guess you are up for at least a few gory details. The short story is ~ it all went well and I went home on Saturday around noon.
Here's the longer more detailed version for those of you who are up for a play-by-play. My sources tell me that my memory of these details will fade because that's the way anesthesia and some pain medications work. So I guess I better jot it all down before it some of it slips away.
We arrived at Portland Providence Hospital at about 5:15 am. The place is a huge maze so it took a few minutes to find the purple elevator and the surgery check-in desk. But we found it in time for my 5:30 checking and didn't wait very long before they took me into a pre-op room. At this point I started to get a little bit nervous but honestly I really wasn't as nervous as I expected to be.
The pre-op nurse, Patty, was very friendly and sweet. I went potty and then put all my clothes into a plastic bag, put on the lovely gown and socks that were provided and jumped in bed like a good girl. Denny was right with me the whole time. The anesthesiologist, Edmund Yuan, (whose name I only remember because it's on my caller ID from when he called the night before) stopped by to ask a few questions and said he'd be back in awhile to get me. Then Patty put in two IV's which is required with the robot surgeries just in case one stops working during the surgery. She also asked a lot of questions and had me sign stuff (I think). At about 7:25 or so I put on a cafeteria-lady cap and I kissed Denny good-bye.
Edmund Yuan wheeled me to the operating room. The hospital is very nice and the operating room is in the new part of the hospital which is pretty swanky and looks brand new. Once I got into the operating room I caught a glimpse of what I think was the Da Vinci Robot (it looked like pictures I've seen on the web) there were several people there. Edmund and the others put some extra tape on my IV's and then Dr. Winter came in. Somebody said, this is Julie Wehling and he lifted my cafeteria-lady cap up a bit and made a joke about how it looked like that was right. I said I hoped they could do this laparoscopically and Dr. Winter or one of the others said "we will do our very best to do it laparoscopically if we can". They asked me to move to the operating table from the gurney which I did. Things get fuzzy at this point but I think Dr. Winter looked me in the eyes and said something about taking good care of me but I wouldn't swear to that.
Next thing I remember Dr. Winter was looking me in the eyes and saying that there were no signs of cancer. Then it seemed like within a minute or two I was in my room and Dennis (Denny) was there waiting for me. I think I used to remember the face of the nurse in the recovery room and the person who wheeled me to my room on the 7th floor but that has faded already. I'm pretty sure the recovery room nurse was a woman and the person who brought me to my room was a man but I can't swear to that either. Somebody in the recovery room told me I had to spend the night but I don't remember who told me that they did the surgery laparoscopically ~ maybe in recovery ~ maybe Denny ~ I'm not sure.
So the best news is that they did it laparoscopically which means I can probably go back to work next week! Denny says the surgery took a bit less than two hours. I think I was in my room by around 11 am but it might be good to verify that will Denny. I got my information about the surgery from Denny. He talked to Dr. Winter who said that my ovary was imbedded in my bowel so it wasn't easy to get to but they were able to do it laparoscopically (Yippy). Denny said that they also took out some adhesions but I will have to ask Dr. Winter about that when I see him.
My memory of Friday is pretty fuzzy. They had me on Morphine. I do remember being in pain and feeling very nauseated. I posted stuff on facebook. I do remember talking to people on the phone and texting. Also, I remember reading that my uncle had passed away. I still haven't reacted to that emotionally (I need to go to the funeral). I felt a bit better by evening and was able to eat some dinner (Salmon & green beans). By Friday evening I was taking only Oxycodone as I needed it and took only 5mg a few times during the night and then one for the road when I went home on Saturday around noon.
I was able to shower on Saturday before I left the hospital which surprised me. There are 6 holes in my tummy that look a bit bruised but not too bad really. They glued them closed so that must be why the shower isn't a problem. I took 5mg of Oxycodone three times overnight on Saturday. My last dose was at about 2:45am on Sunday morning. I was pretty tired and queasy in the morning both Sunday and today but by noon I'm feeling better and up for taking a shower. Last night (Sunday) I was able to sleep by just taking Aleve, Motrin, and Tylenol. I'm relived to not be taking the Oxycodone. I struggle with constipation anyway so I'm thrilled to be off of any pain meds (I know, TMI but you asked for it by reading on after the first paragraph).
Considering what I've been through in the past three days I feel excellent. My sweet husband has been taking very good care of me. I'm eager to hear about the pathology report of course and I have to say that all of this has made me a bit more nervous about surgery number 2 but I'll deal with that later.
My short-term goal is to get strong enough to travel to my uncle's funeral next Saturday. If I keep feeling better at this rate I think I'll be up for it.
If you are still reading this I guess you are up for at least a few gory details. The short story is ~ it all went well and I went home on Saturday around noon.
Here's the longer more detailed version for those of you who are up for a play-by-play. My sources tell me that my memory of these details will fade because that's the way anesthesia and some pain medications work. So I guess I better jot it all down before it some of it slips away.
We arrived at Portland Providence Hospital at about 5:15 am. The place is a huge maze so it took a few minutes to find the purple elevator and the surgery check-in desk. But we found it in time for my 5:30 checking and didn't wait very long before they took me into a pre-op room. At this point I started to get a little bit nervous but honestly I really wasn't as nervous as I expected to be.
The pre-op nurse, Patty, was very friendly and sweet. I went potty and then put all my clothes into a plastic bag, put on the lovely gown and socks that were provided and jumped in bed like a good girl. Denny was right with me the whole time. The anesthesiologist, Edmund Yuan, (whose name I only remember because it's on my caller ID from when he called the night before) stopped by to ask a few questions and said he'd be back in awhile to get me. Then Patty put in two IV's which is required with the robot surgeries just in case one stops working during the surgery. She also asked a lot of questions and had me sign stuff (I think). At about 7:25 or so I put on a cafeteria-lady cap and I kissed Denny good-bye.
Edmund Yuan wheeled me to the operating room. The hospital is very nice and the operating room is in the new part of the hospital which is pretty swanky and looks brand new. Once I got into the operating room I caught a glimpse of what I think was the Da Vinci Robot (it looked like pictures I've seen on the web) there were several people there. Edmund and the others put some extra tape on my IV's and then Dr. Winter came in. Somebody said, this is Julie Wehling and he lifted my cafeteria-lady cap up a bit and made a joke about how it looked like that was right. I said I hoped they could do this laparoscopically and Dr. Winter or one of the others said "we will do our very best to do it laparoscopically if we can". They asked me to move to the operating table from the gurney which I did. Things get fuzzy at this point but I think Dr. Winter looked me in the eyes and said something about taking good care of me but I wouldn't swear to that.
Next thing I remember Dr. Winter was looking me in the eyes and saying that there were no signs of cancer. Then it seemed like within a minute or two I was in my room and Dennis (Denny) was there waiting for me. I think I used to remember the face of the nurse in the recovery room and the person who wheeled me to my room on the 7th floor but that has faded already. I'm pretty sure the recovery room nurse was a woman and the person who brought me to my room was a man but I can't swear to that either. Somebody in the recovery room told me I had to spend the night but I don't remember who told me that they did the surgery laparoscopically ~ maybe in recovery ~ maybe Denny ~ I'm not sure.
So the best news is that they did it laparoscopically which means I can probably go back to work next week! Denny says the surgery took a bit less than two hours. I think I was in my room by around 11 am but it might be good to verify that will Denny. I got my information about the surgery from Denny. He talked to Dr. Winter who said that my ovary was imbedded in my bowel so it wasn't easy to get to but they were able to do it laparoscopically (Yippy). Denny said that they also took out some adhesions but I will have to ask Dr. Winter about that when I see him.
My memory of Friday is pretty fuzzy. They had me on Morphine. I do remember being in pain and feeling very nauseated. I posted stuff on facebook. I do remember talking to people on the phone and texting. Also, I remember reading that my uncle had passed away. I still haven't reacted to that emotionally (I need to go to the funeral). I felt a bit better by evening and was able to eat some dinner (Salmon & green beans). By Friday evening I was taking only Oxycodone as I needed it and took only 5mg a few times during the night and then one for the road when I went home on Saturday around noon.
I was able to shower on Saturday before I left the hospital which surprised me. There are 6 holes in my tummy that look a bit bruised but not too bad really. They glued them closed so that must be why the shower isn't a problem. I took 5mg of Oxycodone three times overnight on Saturday. My last dose was at about 2:45am on Sunday morning. I was pretty tired and queasy in the morning both Sunday and today but by noon I'm feeling better and up for taking a shower. Last night (Sunday) I was able to sleep by just taking Aleve, Motrin, and Tylenol. I'm relived to not be taking the Oxycodone. I struggle with constipation anyway so I'm thrilled to be off of any pain meds (I know, TMI but you asked for it by reading on after the first paragraph).
Considering what I've been through in the past three days I feel excellent. My sweet husband has been taking very good care of me. I'm eager to hear about the pathology report of course and I have to say that all of this has made me a bit more nervous about surgery number 2 but I'll deal with that later.
My short-term goal is to get strong enough to travel to my uncle's funeral next Saturday. If I keep feeling better at this rate I think I'll be up for it.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Last Good-bye
The hospital paperwork says to show up for my double date with Dr. Winter and a Da Vinci Robot at 5:30 am. A wake-up-call that early in the morning will interfere with my beauty sleep but I'm almost looking forward to it. I'm so ready for it to be over . . . done with the anticipation . . . ready for my ovary and the surgery to be history.
I've done my homework; honestly I have. So I was surprised to learn at the pre-op appointment on Tuesday that I would have to "cleanse my colon" prior to this thing. You are probably saying "Duh" right now ~ it is abdominal surgery after all; but that was one piece of this I didn't put together until the last minute. Which didn't give me much time to worry about it. Like they say,"ignorance is bliss". So instead of worrying and dreading the prep-step I spent time clearing my work calendar so I could spend Thursday near a bathroom clearing my colon. Another advantage to this unanticipated pre-step is more time to document my journey. Aren't you proud of me finding the positive side to this? You are right, it's a bit of a stretch.
Surprisingly, at the moment (6pm on Thursday) I'm not afraid. Not nervous, really. Maybe because I won't be alone. Lots of support from everyone and Denny (my wonderful husband) is going to be with me the whole time. I feel prepared. Work tasks handled. Colon cleansed. Bag packed. Courage summoned. Prayers sent. Blog written.
Good-bye lonely little ovary!
Ready . . . set . . . go . . .
I've done my homework; honestly I have. So I was surprised to learn at the pre-op appointment on Tuesday that I would have to "cleanse my colon" prior to this thing. You are probably saying "Duh" right now ~ it is abdominal surgery after all; but that was one piece of this I didn't put together until the last minute. Which didn't give me much time to worry about it. Like they say,"ignorance is bliss". So instead of worrying and dreading the prep-step I spent time clearing my work calendar so I could spend Thursday near a bathroom clearing my colon. Another advantage to this unanticipated pre-step is more time to document my journey. Aren't you proud of me finding the positive side to this? You are right, it's a bit of a stretch.
Surprisingly, at the moment (6pm on Thursday) I'm not afraid. Not nervous, really. Maybe because I won't be alone. Lots of support from everyone and Denny (my wonderful husband) is going to be with me the whole time. I feel prepared. Work tasks handled. Colon cleansed. Bag packed. Courage summoned. Prayers sent. Blog written.
Good-bye lonely little ovary!
Ready . . . set . . . go . . .
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Count Down to Surgery NUMBER ONE
That's right I've decided to have TWO surgeries. If you are paying attention that means I've decided to go ahead with the dreaded mastectomy. I said it. It's out there. *pregnant pause* But that will be surgery NUMBER TWO so stay tuned for the gory details of that adventure.
Right now I'm focused on NUMBER 1 which is a salpingo-oophorectomy (in English that is removal of one ovary and fallopian tube) scheduled for August 16th. I had a emergency partial hysterectomy in 1979 when I was 21 years old and my son was only 4 months old. At that time, I had acute peritonitis so they took everything except my cervix and my one lonely ovary and fallopian tube which has served me well the past 34+ years.
She is getting tired anyway (my ovary) and has been sputtering and causing me to growl, sweat and loose sleep. So this is payback! No, actually I'm not looking forward to increased symptoms of the dreaded menopause but that's the price for reduced ovarian and breast cancer risk we mutants get to pay. The doctors say after NUMBER 2 they will consider low dose hormone therapy if I still want it. So I've said "Where do I sign up for that?" and I'm pushing forward.
I met breast surgeon Dr. Tammy De La Malena on August 1st. In spite of myself, I really liked her. She is probably the most personable surgeon I've ever met. Spent a lot of time with me. Answered all my questions and showed genuine understanding and compassion. She ordered a breast MRI and is referring me to a plastic surgeon.
So those are the baby steps toward NUMBER 2. I had the MRI on Monday (August 5). Which was appropriate because August 5th is the 4th anniversary of the day breast cancer took my Mom away from us. I don't have the appointment with the plastic surgeon yet but I will have it on the calendar soon.
A week from tomorrow I lose my poor, weak, scrawny, lonely, little, shriveled-up, ovary. I'm afraid I will miss her but I have to say "Thanks for all the hormones over the years and I don't know what I would have done without you".
Right now I'm focused on NUMBER 1 which is a salpingo-oophorectomy (in English that is removal of one ovary and fallopian tube) scheduled for August 16th. I had a emergency partial hysterectomy in 1979 when I was 21 years old and my son was only 4 months old. At that time, I had acute peritonitis so they took everything except my cervix and my one lonely ovary and fallopian tube which has served me well the past 34+ years.
She is getting tired anyway (my ovary) and has been sputtering and causing me to growl, sweat and loose sleep. So this is payback! No, actually I'm not looking forward to increased symptoms of the dreaded menopause but that's the price for reduced ovarian and breast cancer risk we mutants get to pay. The doctors say after NUMBER 2 they will consider low dose hormone therapy if I still want it. So I've said "Where do I sign up for that?" and I'm pushing forward.
I met breast surgeon Dr. Tammy De La Malena on August 1st. In spite of myself, I really liked her. She is probably the most personable surgeon I've ever met. Spent a lot of time with me. Answered all my questions and showed genuine understanding and compassion. She ordered a breast MRI and is referring me to a plastic surgeon.
So those are the baby steps toward NUMBER 2. I had the MRI on Monday (August 5). Which was appropriate because August 5th is the 4th anniversary of the day breast cancer took my Mom away from us. I don't have the appointment with the plastic surgeon yet but I will have it on the calendar soon.
A week from tomorrow I lose my poor, weak, scrawny, lonely, little, shriveled-up, ovary. I'm afraid I will miss her but I have to say "Thanks for all the hormones over the years and I don't know what I would have done without you".
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