Positively Positive

It's been just over a month since my cell phone rang and a sweet young genetics counselor said, in a very solemn tone "Julie, your test was positive".

It's been a month since I sat down with the Director of Clinical Cancer Genetics as she explained that because I have tested positive for a BRCA2 mutation I may have up to an 84% lifetime risk of developing breast cancer and a 27% lifetime risk of developing ovarian cancer as well as increased risks in developing a second breast cancer, pancreatic cancer and melanoma.  She offered to answer my questions and gave me referrals to two surgeons to help me review my options.

Since then I've seen several doctors and spent a lot of time with technicians and in waiting rooms.  I'd love to stop thinking about "my options" for just a few days but I can only make a few hours at a time and then I'm back to thinking about it again.  Searching the web every time I have a question.  Reading everything I can find about hereditary breast and ovarian cancer.  It feels like I'm obsessed. Going over and over the options and also worrying about my other family members and what this means to them.  Will they get the test? Will they test positive too? What if they don't get the test?  What if they do?

"Glass half empty" isn't always my reaction to things but I do need to remind myself to look for the "upside" or the "silver lining" which has been pretty difficult in these first few weeks.

It's time to prepare for a unexpected journey.  I'm still working on the first steps but already I can see a few "upsides".  Testing positive for BRCA2 is pretty negative.  But I have more information than my Mom and many other people in my family so I'm determined to stay positively positive.